Addressing Passive Aggression and Emotional Manipulation
A structured approach to neutralize covert resistance and re-establish healthy communication boundaries
"This conversation is about making the invisible visible — naming the behavior neutrally while holding firm boundaries and moving the employee out of manipulation and back into accountability."
Part of The Manager Script Vault™ — www.auroeq.com
The Situation
Passive aggression and emotional manipulation are among the most draining behaviors a manager faces. Unlike overt aggression, which is explicit and confrontational, passive-aggressiveness operates under the surface and often beneath a veneer of politeness and ambiguity. They show up as sarcasm, backhanded comments, "forgetting" commitments, or using emotion to redirect accountability.
If you ignore it, it spreads — creating an unsafe and unpredictable team climate. If you confront it emotionally, it escalates. Passive-aggressive behavior can create confusion and tension, making it hard for coworkers to communicate openly and work together effectively. It's frustrating to deal with, and a lack of respect and clarity can be exhausting.
This script gives you the composure and structure to address covert resistance calmly, call out the behavior without accusation, and re-center the conversation on responsibility and respect.
Your Objective
Your goal is to make the invisible visible — naming the behavior neutrally while holding firm boundaries. You'll use direct language, balanced tone, and anchored authority to move the employee out of manipulation and back into accountability. The focus: calm truth-telling, emotional containment, and clear expectations.
1-Minute Prep
Name the pattern
Identify what they do (sarcasm, withdrawal, guilt language). Passive-aggressive individuals may employ subtle gestures or remarks to undermine others subtly. Notice specific behaviors rather than general feelings.
Detach from reaction
Prepare to hold tone neutrality even if they test boundaries. Responding with aggression or becoming defensive can escalate the situation. Instead, maintain your composure and address the underlying issue without getting caught up in emotions.
Mindset
You're not managing emotion — you're reinforcing standards of respect and accountability. Setting clear boundaries are essential for succeeding at work and receiving the respect and recognition you deserve.
Steps + Scripts
1
Open neutrally, acknowledge tension
"I wanted to talk because there's been tension in our recent interactions, and I want to make sure we clear it up directly."
2
Describe the observable behavior
"In our last meeting, when I gave feedback, you responded with, 'I guess nothing I do is good enough.' That kind of statement makes it difficult to have an open discussion."
3
State the impact clearly
"When comments like that come up, it shifts the focus away from the work and makes it harder to solve the real issue."
4
Re-establish communication boundaries
"We can disagree or have strong opinions — that's part of work. But we need to do it respectfully and without sarcasm or guilt."
5
Invite ownership
"What's been driving your frustration lately? I want to understand what's behind these reactions so we can address it productively."
Shows empathy without surrendering authority. Encourage open conversations where feelings and frustrations can be shared while maintaining control of the conversation.
6
Redirect to constructive problem-solving
"Let's focus on what would make feedback or direction feel more clear or useful to you — so it stays about the work, not the emotion."
7
Close with calm accountability
"Moving forward, I need our conversations to stay direct and professional. If that slips, I'll pause the conversation and revisit it when we can both engage respectfully."
Say This ? Not This
Language that neutralizes manipulation while maintaining professional authority and clarity in difficult conversations.
Watch the role-play videos to observe the delivery, tone, and flow of this conversation.
Notice how intentional language choices shape the outcome and strengthen manager communication. Click the buttons below to access the role-play videos
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Manager Checklist
1
Stay emotionally contained
Don't match tone, volume, or emotion. Stay calm and avoid being provoked. Direct confrontation may exacerbate tensions, passive acceptance only enables further manipulation.
2
Be specific, not sweeping
Target one instance at a time. One-off remarks can be annoying, but if someone constantly makes snide comments, withholds important information, or tries to undermine you, it becomes bullying.
3
Hold ground calmly
The power is in composure, not confrontation. Most manipulators are actually very dependant upon others to bolster their identity. Once you stop being fearful, these weak characters can lose most of their power.
4
Avoid defending or debating intent
Focus on observable facts. They're usually very good at reading emotions but use that skill to pick up on your weaknesses and take advantage of you. Don't engage with the manipulation.
5
End with boundaries
Accountability requires clarity. To deal with a manipulative person, it's crucial to set firm boundaries and stick to them. Be consistent in enforcing professional standards.
Email Template
Subject: Clarifying Communication Expectations
Hi [Name],
Thanks for taking the time to talk earlier. I value direct, solution-focused communication, and I want to ensure we keep that standard consistently.
As we discussed, comments or tones that redirect from the work make it harder to collaborate productively. Moving forward, let's both commit to keeping conversations clear, respectful, and focused on solutions.
I'm confident that with this clarity, we can rebuild positive momentum quickly.
— [Your Name]
Tone Guide
  • Calm, not cautious: Confidence diffuses emotional control.
  • Direct, not dramatic: Clarity removes leverage for manipulation.
  • Empathetic, not indulgent: Acknowledge emotion, but stay focused on behavior.
  • Boundaried, not rigid: Authority with professionalism.
  • Consistent, not reactive: Stability breaks the cycle.
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